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Saturday, January 27, 2007


_______________________________________




after reading the horoscope
it says what i am,some are true
some are not that..

i get to know myself better already.
maybe some of it have not happen
but i hope it does not because
it going to cause a lot of problems
between everyone,and now it is
SYF period.a person like
goodlooking strong and healthy
man.with its bad temper of shrew
mostly became second wife (so not going to happen in me)
spoilt.proud and confident.
will not accept status of being"poor"
cannot stand a feeling of being "nobody"
like a man can earn her respect.

(this is so far how i sumarise there is alot
more but very LONG)


well i get to know him better,but
do not really know is it true,because
when we talk he did not look at other
side instead he was looking at your
direction,or maybe its just call "basic manners"
well i dont know.
like to do odd things(i dont really know him
yet)can do things to surprise you.
patient with other but not himself.
he always feel lonely even there are many
perple around him,he create his own world.
man with conflict personality
could be an artist.he use his brain not his body strength
once he trust you as friend no one can say other wise
to change it back.he hate lies.he can keep secert.
you have to be an interesting person.hell for him is "no freedom"
(that how i sumarise it)

if i really want to know whether he is like that a not
i have to ask him like alot of question.i wonder how
he is doing,cause he didnt return my call when i needed
him the most..and thus sleeping with my
-presure
-stress
-worries
but i find i hard to pour everything on him
cause we seldom talk phone nor msn.
we were busy with work.call him yet no
answer.

telling myself not to cry anymore or stuff
about band.cause i just shed to much tears
about band two years ago.and i know i SUCK..

mum didnt really disapprove anything abt band
yet.so its okay.i just want to let her be proud of
what i am doing.because i have put all my time
on band more than my piano exam.(how great?)
no one can hold me back after SYF,cause
i will be going for band lesser and lesser.
still being cheerful at home.but this act
cant hide any longer.

went for band today.
with the music in my ears during bus trip.
may day lian ai ing does not let me feel abt
love but it "smooth" my feelings
but i can feel that inside me was not like that.
and my heart skip a few beat.haven even go
for a checkup,but since these few days dont
really suffer from it so just heck care for it.

stuff like these came up
after all the pressure and stress will i really
suffer from anything after SYF?
mum and dad say i too "mai li" with band
i do not know how to answer them,cause
i dunno what i have been doing with all the
things.just like spending one day and one day
hopping the next day dont come so fast.

doing warmups,really cannot stand it
all "these"(cant mention) poping inside
my heart and mind,it needs me to feel
all the problems with my heart and using
my brain to overcome it with a solution.

went back to JERICO.
she totally just skip my part.
i was like huh what the hell?i dunno
how my part fits into the music,and she skip my
part by going to L.which is their part.my jaws
totally drop when i hear this
we were playing J
ends at J then
she:okay let go to L.
with the problems and this feel very bu shuang le lar.
repeating M M M M.M until i fa fong la.
see the score JERICO. celebrating.
makes me very stress and sad.i cant do a constent 140 semiquaver
how to do 180?
the only thing i can do was to relief stress by tearing paper
but i didn do and photocopys of jerico scores yet
so just find any paper useless to tear.
linda say this to me
why give that bad attitute face to me.
i my head already want to burst out.somemore
need to throw the paper.

acturally want to shout out my lungs when i see the view
outside behind the band room door,
but i'f afraid the inside ppl can hear.
so just stare at there didnt really know that
i cant take it then just piur everything out
onto myself.and i hurt my hands by punching
it to the wall..how stupid.

thought the person beside me and her
but not it was she.she was there accompany
me but didn say anything.
does not want to see her face,after crying
i went to the toliet ot wash my face,
before going to the band room
she just say wipe your face
dont let them see you .

didnt know tan was inside
still a bit crying inside the bandroom
but everything still okay
wend was the one talking to me
went we were playing jerico
that my mood was changing.

but this only last for a day,
what abt the days in 2 months?
i need to bring paper to band everyday
to tear.

whatever just leave me alone when this happen




SHERMINE
|
Saturday, January 27, 2007